


In my life, I hope I lie, and tell everyone you were a good wife

by mandaree1



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Beatrice being beatrice, By which I mean an abusive pos, Cant think of a title put some mother mother lyrics in there, Half the action in this story is Beatrice smoking a single cig, Mentions of underage drinking, Pre-Canon, Tiny bojack, set after bojack saw butterscotch and his secretary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23263846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandaree1/pseuds/mandaree1
Summary: "He's- he's cheating on you, mom," he manages to blurt, eyes already misting. He's not sure what he expects. Indignation? Disbelief?Beatrice blows another smoke ring. "Oh, yeah? Who is it this time?"
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	In my life, I hope I lie, and tell everyone you were a good wife

Beatrice is almost always in the same place when Bojack comes downstairs- on the middle couch, far right cushion, smoking a cigarette. Sometimes the TV is on. Sometimes she's got a book. But she's always sitting and smoking when she isn't cooking and crying.

Bojack hovers in the doorway. He knows, logically, that his mother had been a very pretty woman, once. He'd seen the photos. But age and bitterness hadn't been kind to her, and the wrinkles around her eyelids and the corners of her mouth made her look decades older than she actually was. But whatever age she was, she'd always been scary to him.

It's bad enough that she's mean. She's smart, too.

Beatrice finally seems to deign him worth addressing, blowing a puff of smoke. "If you're looking for your father, he's working weekend overtime."

"No, he's not," Bojack says before he can stop himself.

She scowls at him, eyes narrowed. "Oh? Tell me, then; where is my husband, Bojack, that you seem to know so much better than I do?"

"I don't know."

"Then stop being a little shit. And quit blocking my light, won't you?"

The window is on the opposite side of the room. It's the nicest 'get lost' he's heard in awhile, and that makes Bojack brave. "He's- he's cheating on you, mom," he manages to blurt, eyes already misting. He's not sure what he expects. Indignation? Disbelief?

Beatrice blows another smoke ring. "Oh, yeah? Who is it this time?"

"What?"

"Get the wax outta your ears, Bojack. Who's he with now?"

"The- the secretary."

Beatrice considers that a moment. "Well, that's the least amount of effort I've ever heard being put into an affair." She's looking at him now, something wary in her features. "He told you this, then?"

"No. The other night, when you had me bring him dinner? I caught him. It was dark and he..." Bojack shuddered. "He said some gross stuff to her. Then he made me a drink."

"Is that why my car smells like vomit? For shame, Bojack."

"Are you gonna divorce him?"

That seems to take his mother by surprise. She blinks at him. "Why on _Earth_ would I do that?"

"He cheated on you!" he snapped, because she somehow just didn't seem to get it. "You married him and he cheated on you!"

The horse tapped some ash into the tray. "Sit down, Bojack."

He falters. She doesn't _sound_ angry with him, but Beatrice never liked spending time with him unnecessarily. "Mother?"

"I won't repeat myself."

Bojack swallowed. He edged as far around as he could, trying to avoid being within range of any kind of blow. Beatrice doesn't mock him for it, for once, and busies herself with another drag. He sits on the far end of the middle couch, as close to the end as possible. It's easier to bolt that way. "Are you... mad at me?"

"Oh, I'm always mad at you, Bojack. Just not for this." Beatrice chuckles, as if this is somehow the best joke ever, and puts one leg over her knee. "Did I ever tell you about your grandmother?"

Bojack, immediately uncomfortable, nods. "She- she got a brain surgery."

"Use the proper language, Bojack. She got a lobotomy." Beatrice paused, probably pushing down memories, before going on. "She went over the edge. My father did what any man in his time would do- push his emotional wife away and get her surgically replaced with a zombie. And she was never the same again. You know why she turned out that way?"

Bojack swallowed. He didn't know the proper language for this part, either. "They- they take a thingy, and it goes up your eyeball-"

Beatrice cut him off with a glare. "Not that, you dumbass! She was in love. She loved your Uncle so much it destroyed her, and the explosion almost ruined the Sugarman name. Even after the fact, you could hear her crying down the street for my brother. It taught me something important. Love is stupid, Bojack. All it does is ruin people."

He stared at his hands, defeated. This wasn't the first speech about love he'd gotten before. "Mom?"

"What?"

"Did you... ever love dad?"

Beatrice's features softened somewhat, but not in a way that made him feel better. It was the same way someone looked at a lame dog on its way to the farm. "I almost loved him, once. When he held you."

"Yeah?"

She fumbled her pack out of her pocket, shaking them for good luck. "Butterscotch wasn't there for the labor, of course. I didn't think much of it at the time- just thought he was too nervous to see a vag in the wild. But then you popped out. And you were almost cute as a foal, you know. Little scrunched nose and tiny flopped ears. And when he came in and held you... well. I felt _something_." Beatrice stabbed the used cigarette out with abandon. "Found out later he was banging the head nurse in charge of your delivery on her coffee break."

Bojack winced. "Oh."

"Love is a poison, Bojack. It took my mother from me, and then it took my life. Now all I have is a big house and a snot-nosed brat who can't even keep his vomit off the car seats." Beatrice plucked a new cigarette out with practiced ease. She was looking at it, but her eyes were far away. "Do yourself a favor, Bojack. Do _everyone_ a favor. Don't let yourself ruin other people's lives." She held the box out. "I already have enough reason to have them stick a thingy in my eyeball without that shit."

Bojack hesitantly took one. "Okay, mom."

**Author's Note:**

> -walks in like a month late with this- so uh hey whassup.
> 
> That finale destroyed me- I'm still sad about Diane and Bojack never speaking again, even tho they're literally just drawings with voices- so I finally got off my butt and wrote this. Beatrice and Bojack's relationship always fucked me up, because even though Beatrice was an abusive pos Bojack has her sense of humor and I feel like they spent a lot of time together while he was growing up because of Butterscotch always being out.
> 
> Also with all the crazy shit said throughout the show "coax me outta my sheath" will forever haunt me because... ewwww.
> 
> -Mandaree1


End file.
